10 mistakes that singles commonly make 4

For some weeks back, I have been writing on the subject of the topic above; I have come to the conclusion that mistakes can be avoided and that everything ought not to be learnt by experience. I really am against the saying that celebrates experience as the best teacher; I feel that not all the lessons of life ought to be learnt by going through the experience personally. I have related with singles that have gone through experiences of pain in relationships they had been involved in; you can sense deep rooted pain and scar that may never go away even when they find someone suitable to get married to.

I appreciate the definition of mistake by Pastor Sam Ajana; he defines success as missing the step to take and taking the steps that ought not to be taken. We all have taken the steps that shouldn’t have if knowledge was sought and applied. A month of been married to Lillian made Sylvester realize that he had made a costly mistake; in just one month of marriage, she had barricaded his home from visits from the members of his family who are coldly attended to. When his mum came to Lagos for medical treatment, she got a cold reception from her that made her (his mum) swore that she wouldn’t ever spend some time with them again. Before they got married, he had observed a similar trend of behavior from her; he had observed that she wasn’t the sociable type when it comes to extended family issues. She had often said to him that after marriage she’ll like a ‘me and my hubby alone’ kind of life; every other family members should stay in their own house. He thought that she didn’t mean it because of the kind of relationship she had with his mum and siblings (his dad had been dead years back) before they got married. He has been married for over 10 years, and still wished that he hadn’t taken the step of taking the relationship with her to the level of marriage.

We all have at a point in our life miss the step we should have taken by missing opportunities that came our way; the reality of life is that some opportunities lost can’t be regained again- it’s gone forever. Joseph had known Tara when they were both young; they were like blood brother and sister. They attended the same schools- secondary and tertiary institution; on several occasion he had given her advices on relationship issues and she had pointed him in the direction of women who are doing their best to catch his attention. People have always tried to let both party see that they are suitable for one another; their response was that their relationship is beyond that. Joseph however, noticed that at a particular time in their relationship, Tara was been protective around him; she would appear jealous when some women comes visiting and in some rear occasion turn away some women when they come calling. Today, they are both married to different partners; however, Joseph regretted not listening to people who tried to point him in the direction of relationship with Tara. She still remains his confidant and the person he can share his heart out to.

The story of Sylvester and Joseph shows that though some mistakes can be taken care of, yet others can’t be undone when they are made. As a single it’s important that you reduce the mistakes of your life especially in intimate relationship to the barest minimum and that can only be done by seeking knowledge in the area. Success or failure in life (relationship) is tied to your action or inactions and also to what you know and what you don’t know,

Here is the concluding of the topic I have been treating for some weeks now with an additional point added-

The believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder- I guess that you have heard of the statement- Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I really don’t accept that; I have come to observe what people call beauty and my conclusion is, is this guy blind? What they celebrate as beauty is what others are doing their best to let them see that there is something wrong with their sight. Johnny is a dear friend; we have known each other for some years now. When I met the lady he was dating, I knew inside in was in a fools world if he expects the lady to be faithful to him. There was something about her that just made me feel uncomfortable. To Johnny she was the best thing that has ever happened to him; she was beautiful, sexy and always treating him like a prince. You will we see her hug and kiss him like someone madly in love. Today, Johnny can now see what everyone else can see; however, 3 years had gone down the drain and that is one of the reasons he hurts badly. Why did he end the relationship? He caught her read handed on bed with another man. You can still sense his hurt till date; he is in his late thirties but not thinking of marriage. To him women are bitches.

I have come to realize that beauty isn’t in the eye of the beholder alone, everyone on else knows beauty when they see one. When I spoke in a singles gather on the subject we are treating, I told the participant to compare two buildings- one old, the other knew; my word to them is, do you need an angel to tell you that the new house is far more beautiful than the other. When you are the only one that can tell if a person is beautiful, you must either be color blind or mentally retarded. It’s a costly mistake to feel that you are the one eye man in the land of the blind; it’s a costly mistake not to listen to other peoples opinion on whom you are dating.

When you are the only one that can see the beauty in someone and every other person says other wise; what you are seeing is what will bring lots of misery to you later in life.

Despising the spiritual authority place over you- Whatever religion you practice, there are spiritual authorities that are put in place to bring order and to teach followers on its dictate. They are spiritual guides place over your life for your good; they are men with weaknesses, yet they were placed there for your good.

Years ago, I heard a Muslim cleric make a profound statement that I have said over and over again even in Christian gathering that I spoken in on relationship issues. He said, ‘Muslim should get married to singles and Christians should get married to themselves.’ I have rephrased that statement this way, Christians should marry Christians, Muslim should get married to Muslims, atheist should get married to atheist, while born again Christians should get married to themselves.

I have observe that some Christian singles have prophets that they celebrate more than their pastor; I feel that this is an abnormal trend because their pastor and not the man that acts as a seer is the one place to be a shepherd over them. It’s so disheartening when I come in contact with singles who despise spiritual authority; no single that ever does that who don’t have a measure of regret for that action.

I heard the story of a lady that sought the counsel of her pastor on her relationship issue; his response is that she should go and pray about the issue to seek God’s will though she knew that after the medical result they brought, she could sense that he will not approve of the relationship. The medical result shows that they were both AS; she rebel against his counsel when he eventually told her not to move the relationship to the stage of marriage. They got married without the church’s approval in a registry and all seems well until they had their first child; he was diagnosed to have sickle cell anemia. The family is going through financial challenges because when their son has a crisis, it gulps a lot of the family fund. This is beginning to have a toll on their relationship.

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Olufemi Fasanya 08037257479,

10 mistakes that singles commonly make 3

The past two weeks, I have been writing on the subject of discussion; I have come to realize that when a person is knowledgeable and there is an application of what is known, lots of the pains of experience will be avoided. I believe that most things in life shouldn’t be learnt by experience; sometimes the scars that it leaves often remain with one until death. When a single go through a terrible experience in the relationship she had been involved with in the past, it’s easy for her never to trust the opposite sex even though she might get involve with a sincere one.

Sarah really don’t believe that no man can be faithful to his partner; she had seen her dad cheat on her mum, and she had stumble on her boyfriends (she had dated 3) cheat on her. So when she met John who is committed to his religion and who seems to treat her differently, she fell in love with him. However, she never stops nagging him when she sees him with another lady (when they are pretty); she would tell him how much men can’t be trusted and their been irresponsible. Eventually she would discover that there was no intimacy between him and those ladies. One event however became more embarrassing for him was when Sarah came visiting at his place when he was not around; his sister had returned from the university because of ASUU strike and had decided to put up with him for the night. When Sarah met her in his apartment, she put up a fight with her; what saved the day were neighbors who came to the rescue of his sister. This to John was the event that broke the camel’s back. He walked out of the relationship.

We all are susceptible to mistakes; however, some mistakes in life can be avoided if knowledge is sought. If every single will take the time to read and observe other people’s experiences, the rate of heartbreaks will reduce drastically. I observe a trend that I want everyone who will read this write up to avoid, it’s that of concluding that they have had enough of reading or hearing information on relationship. The more you know the more stable you will be and the less chance (that is if you are smart enough to observe what is written or heard) of making the mistakes that others have made.

Here is the continuation of the write up on the avoidable mistakes singles make-

Not having a scale of preference per time for their lives- I feel that there is time for everything under the heaven; just as there is a time to be born and die, there is also a time to go into relationship and time not to go into one. I feel the singles should pursue self improvement before wooing a lady; I feel that the more enlighten a person is, the chances that he can make the right decision on who eventually get married to and the success of the marriage.

One are I feel that all singles should be enlightened on is in the area of their academics; some couples (women especially) have personal regrets that they didn’t make their education their priority before they got married. When Tonia was much young, she was quite beautiful and the babe in town. She had chunk of men wooing her; despite the fact that her mum (her died had died two months after birth) kept telling her to be level head and be studious she just didn’t get understand why she (her mum) was so touchy on the issue until she got pregnant and got married to Dany. He had promised her heaven on earth if she gets married to him and part of which is to foot her education bills. When she had her first child, he gave the excuse that she should take time out to care for him until he is old enough; in less than two years in the marriage, she got pregnant again and not long after his birth she had another daughter. All would have been well if her husband was not defrauded by people he did business with. Presently, they are going through tough times financially and she is handicapped to help; the reason is because the job is can only get is that of a messenger because doesn’t have the required qualification to get a better one.

My advice to singles who will read this write is; don’t settle down with the qualification you have now. The best that you can do for yourself now (before you get married and the children start coming) is to keep upgrading yourself academically; I have discovered that when you gain admission into a tertiary institution, you will discover that you were once a local champion and that the guys who are saying all the sweet nothing are also local champs. If you keep a level head and graduate with good grades, you will also discover that relationship entails more than what the lover boys in school had been saying and doing.

Not learning from the mistakes of their parents- It’s so common to see singles blame their parents for their predicaments; it’s so easy to judge and condemn them. I have observe this trend over the years and one thing that is common with people who do this, is that they make similar mistakes that their parents make. I young adult was relating with me some years back; she was calling her mum all manner of names for leaving them when they were young. When she began saying those words, I have a deep pressure in my heart and immediately told her to stop because God hasn’t given a child to dishonor his/her parents irrespective of the mistakes they may have made. However, I observed in her life similar trend in the behavior of her mum and herself.

Recently, I had a discussion with one of the adult youth I relate with; she was an under graduate in one of the tertiary institution in the country. She had met a young lad and they had become intimate friends; they had talk about settling down in marriage in some couple of years from now. in the course of our discussion she spoke on her experience after she took a new turn instead of going in the path her mum is taking when relating with her dad. She discovered that just as her dad reacts adversely when her mum speaks to him in a manner, her fiancé also does the same. So when she changes her approach to issues and spoke with him differently, she observed that he listens to what she has to say to him.

My advice to singles that will have the opportunity to read this write up is not to make the mistake of blaming their parents, but rather to learn from their mistakes and consciously not making the same.

Do you have a question on any relationship issue or do want to receive my monthly text messages? Send a text with your email address and get a free e-book; your confidentiality will be kept.

Olufemi Fasanya

08037257479