Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Ladies... men you should not consider for a partner

Years ago Ruka met a charming guy (Lanre); he was one of her lecturers in the university. She had heard rumor by some students that Lanre was a Casanova; he however, was a smooth one because he cannot tie him to any female student. Lanre picked interest in her because she was quite intelligent; he became friendly with her and treated her as special.

In her final year, Lanre made proposal for marriage; though she was a little uncomfortable, she gave her consent. Some of the female students when they saw how close they were, walked up to her to tell her that Lanre was not the kind of man a decent girl like should be dating. She felt they were jealous; months into the relationship, she got pregnant and they got married.

All went well (at least that was what she thought) until after two years of marriage; she began hearing rumor that Lanre was already intimately involved with another of his students. When she confronted him, he did not deny it. Today, they are separated and Lanre now lives permanently with his new lover leaving his wife and daughter in the apartment he rented.

This story is true for some of the women married today; they dated men who they thought would change over time, but never did. Marriage really does not change people, what it does is amplify who they are. In this write up I will share with you, men you should not consider for a partner. These men are…

Excessively emotional men- Women because of their make ups tend to get attracted to the opposite sex that show them love and care; they are attracted to men who are not just successful but emotional. If a guy takes the time to listen to the heartfelt need of a lady, it is easy for him to walk into her life. I like saying that, if a man has access to a woman’s ears, he will have access to almost everything else- heart and sexual organ. If every lady that will read these write up do an honest search of why they went into intimate relationship in the past, they will come up with the fact that the guy awoke feelings in them by certain act of care they showered them or to someone around.

However, women should be careful of excesses in the emotions, display by men. When a man exhibits excessiveness in the way he displays his emotions, there is something wrong with him. Though a man is emotional, but his primary essence is logic. If you see a man cry and beg when there are challenges in your relationship, you may call it love, but it really is not. Crying and begging is good for romantic films, but in real life events men ought to comport themselves. If a man out of an emotional outburst throws you or anyone a slap; do not give excuses for his action, run for your dear life. One word that I have observe is common with women who opt out of their marriage is, I saw this trait in him, but I thought he will change over time.

It is not love when a man hits another man because of you; it is not love when a man stays with you 24/7 instead of going to get a job or work; it is not love when a man keeps getting angry when he sees you relating with the opposite sex, etc. It shows there is a problem.

Play boys- I have observed over time that women who date Casanovas with the hope that they will eventually settle down with them, always end in deep pain because of the heartbreak they experience before or after the marriage (if they are not smart enough not to take the relationship to the next level). In my mini book, Goodbye, facts that makes saying it necessary; I wrote the story of a lady who I told to leave the relationship she was in. One of the reasons I gave her this counsel was because I knew the guy is a Casanova (he still is); she didn’t listen to me and in the end she got thrown out after she had done more than three abortions; according to him, he does not want a child yet.

When you meet a man that is just to fine, smooth and is a ladies man, you should think twice about getting involved with him intimately. You will not be Ms lucky for long if you go into relationship with him; men like that never stick too long with any lady. In love stories, the opposite of what I am writing on is what is shown to people; a Casanova when he meet a particular lady suddenly becomes a saint and lives with her happily ever after. That my lady is a lie; do not forget that we are designed to behave in a consistent manner. Casanova before marriage will not be a monogamous lover afterwards.

Irresponsible men- If you ever meet a man who gives excuses for not doing what is required of him, run for your dear life. I read the story of a lady whose in-laws warned her not to get married to their son because he was irresponsible. He was doing quite well in his profession; he has a duplex of his own and drives a luxury car, yet he will not raise a helping hand to his parents and siblings still in school. When she confronted him with this, he will give excuses and in order to prove his point he will remind her of how he has been generous to her and her family. He would tell her of the plans he has to make life better for his own parents and sibling; yet before and after they got married, he did nothing about these plans. Today, he treats her like his family members. She pays for the school fees of the children without him dropping a penny; if she complains about money issues, he will give a thousand and one excuses why he cannot give a dime yet.

Before marriage, men are emotional givers; after marriage, they are practical givers. Do not be deceived by the way a man spends money on you to come to a conclusion that this guy is a great giver because you go a shopping on his expenses. The best way to know a responsible fellow is to observe the way he treats his own family and people around. There is no excuse that is tenable for not doing what is required of you; if a man will not make sacrifices for his family, he will eventually treat you the same.

Men who have no authority figures in their lives- If you meet a man who claims he is self made, he likely will be someone who will not listen to other people’s opinion. These are dangerous men to be involved with; the reason is they will do what is in their mind irrespective of the way other people may feel about it.

Marriage has its own challenges; sometimes the other partner may need to be put in check but his partner may not be having the desired result when she tries to make him see reasons. At a point their may be a need to call in someone he respects to sit him down and talk to him. I have heard people say, that one should not give allow a third party in their marriage. I feel that this statement is not right; we all need someone who can reprimand us, whether we are single or married. However, such person must be matured enough to point out areas of corrections not out of emotion but by the established rules that determines the success of any relationship. We all need a father figure in our lives; if a man does not have that covering in his life, he is not someone that will make a good hubby.

Men, who keep wrong company- An English adage says, ‘Bird of a feather, flock together.’ I feel it will not be wrong for me to say, men of a kind, flock together. One way anyone can be influenced is through the company he keeps; like a bird, they flock together and stay together. The company we keep is a reflection of who we really are; the English adage, ‘Show me your friend and I will show you who you are’ is right. If his friends are in vices you do not like, know that he is not far from it. Observe married men, who are not responsible, their friends are not too different from them.

If you are not comfortable with the company the guy you are dating keeps; I feel you need to do a rethink on the relationship than take it to the next level (marriage). He will likely not change the company he keeps if you get married to him; they will likely be his first adviser if (when) you have challenges in your marriage. Do not endure the company he is keeping because you want to keep the relationship going; they will ultimately destroy it in the long run.

Men who behave like women- When my write up was published in of one the Nigerian dailies tagged, every husband needs a nagging wife; I got a response which led to this part of this write up. One of the women who responded talked about men who nag like hell. Women by design are made to talk more than men; they are not the type to keep quite when things are out of place. They will keep repeating what they want to see changes in or just resign themselves to fate. It is in repeating themselves that married men call nagging. Interestingly, when they were single, such behave was sweet music to their ears.

If you meet a man who talks too much; repeats events over and over again, I will implore you not to take the relationship to the level of marriage. It is horrifying to see a man just keep repeating himself on issues he should just express his mind on once.

Another trait that is common to women is repeating past events; rarely will you meet a lady that cannot repeat vividly pains of the past. Women should observe if their men has this traits before talking about marriage; it will be frustrating living with a man that is not your opposite.

The word opposite is an interesting word; it shows the difference in a thing from another. It implies that they may seem to have similarities, but the distinctions between them are clearly spelt out. The same goes with the opposite sex you are dating; he may exhibit certain similarities with your sex, yet the distinction in the way you do things should be clear to you. If the differences in your essence are not clearly spelt out, do not make the mistake of taking the relationship to the level of marriage.

Men who are tied to their parents’ apron- Psychological maturity is one key trait that every lady should note in any man they are interested in. I am not saying that the man in your life should disregard his parents; however, the man should at a certain age level be able to make decisions of his own with little or no interference from his parents.

I counsel a lady once whose fiancé did not know how to say no to his dad; he wanted him to consider another lady because the lady was not a tribe member. I advise her to consider leaving the relationship or else she may discover after marriage that his dad is the one ruling their home. If he is not man enough to tell his dad what he wants and insist on it, he will not be man enough to tell him to let him rule his own home as he wants in the future.

Do you have a question on any relationship issue? Send a text and get a response; your confidentiality will be kept.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906495